Sunday, February 15, 2015

Truth of Parenthood

When I used to dream of parenthood I would think of lighthearted, feel good moments that I would share with my children and husband. Ya know, the ones on tv with the music and the right lighting that brings you almost to the point where you are crying tears of joy because it is just that beautiful! Everyone is smiling and the world is perfect.

Well...those moments happen and they are beautiful.  However,  no one told me (or should I say warned me) of the other moments that are sprinkled in between.

All my months of bed rest I searched endlessly for articles and books to help me see what parenting was really like. Sure, I would stumble upon a blog or article with a few statements that would give me a glimpse into my future, but nothing that really captured what changes were to come.

Now that I have become a mom I would like to shed some light on the untalked about changes that happen.

To start off operation #truthofparenthood here are some everyday phrases that take on a whole new meaning! (#phraseafterbabes)
  • "Drinks with friends" now means water on the rocks with two shorties and their most plush friends!
  • "It's a bath night" no longer means a relaxing soak with a book and wine...It means a full on splash fest that will leave you wiping down the ceiling while humming Rubber duckie..."dodo DU Dado!"
  • "Mani, pedi night!" Is no loner a primping activity that gives you butterflies of excitement but a wrestling match that will leave one of you surrendering in tears!
  • "A Night Out" is now a nerve wrecking event where you are checking your phone every 10 minutes to see if the choosen unlucky sole tasked with putting your kids to bed is calling or snap chatting a picture of them tied up in a closet with a caption of "#Failed! Please hurry home!"
  • "Did you poop?" and "did you toot?" Will be said without even a flicker of a smile or snicker.
  • "Alone time" is 20 mins in the bathroom sitting on the potty pursuing Facebook and checking out all the things you are missing in the what if it sounds like they are going to take down the door...they are only 2, right?!?!?
  • "Stooping to their level" is still a dreaded event but this time you are almost gaurenteed to get slapped in the face.
  • "I'm jumping in the shower " which really means I am turning the shower on...sitting peacefully on the toilet and perusing social media for 15 mins then going to check emails, the weather and news. And when the spouse yells "are you ok in there" you respond with "yes, almost done!" And use it as a queue to now jump in the shower!
  •  "I'll call you later" a complete lie! What it really means is that there is a.001% chance that I will call you later today. BUT there is a really good chance that I will call you in the next week. Reality it will be later this month. It's not that I don't care it's just that I care enough to not call you when my kids are screaming or in the middle of an epic meltdown.
  • "It's right over there" now the default answer to any question as to where to find a missing item. Also a safe alternative to "you have lived here as long as I have and it's always been in the same %!#$* place!"

These are just a few of the phrases that have taken on a new life in my house! Children definitely change everything thing for the better...unless they have smuggled a crayon from the table; then that door was way better off before children!

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