Truth of Parenthood

When I used to dream of parenthood I would think of lighthearted, feel good moments that I would share with my children and husband. Ya know, the ones on tv with the music and the right lighting that brings you almost to the point where you are crying tears of joy because it is just that beautiful! Everyone is smiling and the world is perfect.

Well...those moments happen and they are beautiful.  However,  no one told me (or should I say warned me) of the other moments that are sprinkled in between.

All my months of bed rest I searched endlessly for articles and books to help me see what parenting was really like. Sure, I would stumble upon a blog or article with a few statements that would give me a glimpse into my future, but nothing that really captured what changes were to come.

Now that I have become a mom I would like to shed some light on the untalked about changes that happen.

To start off operation #truthofparenthood here are some everyday phrases that take on a whole new meaning! (#phraseafterbabes)

• "Drinks with friends" now means water on the rocks with two shorties and their most plush friends!
• "It's a bath night" no longer means a relaxing soak with a book and wine...It means a full on splash fest that will leave you wiping down the ceiling while humming Rubber duckie..."dodo DU Dado!"
• "Mani, pedi night!" Is no loner a primping activity that gives you butterflies of excitement but a wrestling match that will leave one of you surrendering in tears!
• "A Night Out" is now a nerve wrecking event where you are checking your phone every 10 minutes to see if the choosen unlucky sole tasked with putting your kids to bed is calling or snap chatting a picture of them tied up in a closet with a caption of "#Failed! Please hurry home!"
• "Did you poop?" and "did you toot?" Will be said without even a flicker of a smile or snicker.
• "Alone time" is 20 mins in the bathroom sitting on the potty pursuing Facebook and checking out all the things you are missing in the world...so what if it sounds like they are going to take down the door...they are only 2, right?!?!?
• "Stooping to their level" is still a dreaded event but this time you are almost gaurenteed to get slapped in the face.
• "I'm jumping in the shower " which really means I am turning the shower on...sitting peacefully on the toilet and perusing social media for 15 mins then going to check emails, the weather and news. And when the spouse yells "are you ok in there" you respond with "yes, almost done!" And use it as a queue to now jump in the shower!
•  "I'll call you later" a complete lie! What it really means is that there is a.001% chance that I will call you later today. BUT there is a really good chance that I will call you in the next week. Reality it will be later this month. It's not that I don't care it's just that I care enough to not call you when my kids are screaming or in the middle of an epic meltdown.
• "It's right over there" now the default answer to any question as to where to find a missing item. Also a safe alternative to "you have lived here as long as I have and it's always been in the same %!#$* place!"

These are just a few of the phrases that have taken on a new life in my house! Children definitely change everything thing for the better...unless they have smuggled a crayon from the table; then that door was way better off before children!

 

Mommy's magic is only as good as her best assistants!

Well I was going to write about the Superbowl but we interrupt this regularly scheduled post to bring you late breaking events this evening form the Ghouse bathroom - a recently popular hotspot!

 

The boys are almost 29 months (aka 2.5 years old for those who hate months) so potty training has been on the radar. We started to slowly introduce the potty back when they turned 2 in September. With the move, O's surgery and all the sickness that we have survived in the last 2 months; potty training was tossed on the back burner! So now that they have been sickness free for all of 48 hours I decided to pull out our shiny new potty today and give it a whirl for ol' time sake! (more on potty preferences later)

 

Tonight is Monday, which means it is bath night and nail night why not throw in the potty and make it a paaarrrttty!

 

In our house bath time is loved! I have the routine down to a science...we walk in together I sit on the floor change each boy while the tub is filling they each take turns dumping their toys in while the other is getting undressed.  Tonight I decided to add an extra step -- the potty. So J goes first: I help him undress while O is filling the tub with toys. I talk to J about the potty and plop him down. He sits for .25 seconds and jumps up "all done". "no buddy, sit down and try to go pee pee on the potty". It was then I heard "mah, I pooped" I turned my head to discover the fully clothed O in the tub proudly declaring that he had pooped in his diaper; with his pants over it, now sitting in 6 inches of water! I am not sure if you all are aware of what happens to a diaper that has been submerged in water but....I will tell you that it is a magical process that quickly melts a diaper away with water faster then the wicked witch herself! (Google it!)

 

Behold a toddler who is wearing a hooded fleece, a long sleeve tee, sweatpants, socks and slippers; in the tub! I quickly pull him from this state and pull off everything but the sweat pants which thankfully have elastic cuffs. Now this is not my first bathroom rodeo so I jump up and grab a trash bag from the cabinet and proceed to place O in it up to the waist and pull his pants down and off into the garbage bag avoiding the gazillion beads flooding the bathroom floor! (#mommywin) I then lay O down on the floor and get him cleaned up just in time for J to get the whole peeing on command trick. From the angle it was hitting O's tummy I would say J mastered it!

Well...the first act was entertaining but we couldn't continue the show without a quick intermission sponsored by bleach!

Not to fear the tooth brush is here! While the scene change is happening in the tub I take this awesome opportunity to have them brush their teeth; a skill they have solely mastered!

 

So the rest of the bath was filled with fighting over trimming their nails and O getting even by peeing on J -- ya know, nothing too exciting! Once done they are met at the door by my husband who scoops them up and proceed to get them ready for bed while I clean the normally disasterous bathroom. Tonight was different. I had a sense of pride while cleaning. As I proudly lifted the lid on the potty seat to dump and clean the prized waste my glee was shattered with the sight of J's tooth brush face down...in the potty!

HAPPY MONDAY!!! Hope it's a dry one! 

Hubby to the rescue!

So as most mother would secretly admit, bathroom time is one other most coveted chunks of time. It's a time of relief, relaxation and secret Facebook staking!
Over the past week I have had two that stick out that I must share. Before you go assume that it has to do what you think it does, it doesn't! 
Last weekend I was running around with the boys doing errands and burning off energy at my favorite store while buying all of my new bedroom stuff at Tarjay (I ♡ the Bullseye!) Always a grand adventure in and of itself.  This one was at usual epic proportion with shelf clearing temper tantrums and embarrassing displays of need to conquer the cart. I had noticed before leaving that I needed to pee but the kids and car wear packed and my helper of the day was "Pa" {my awesome dad}. So I of course know that holding it in is horrible for you but I say to myself, "suck it up, you're a mom".
Skipping to us returning home 2.5 hours later and me sweating because I have been using so many muscles to resist the flood. I decided to use the bathroom on the new side of the compound while my kids played with Grandma.  I did my thing and washed my hands and it was then I realized that no one had ever shut the door to use this bathroom before now...
I was stuck I mean reallllllly stuck. I of course yell for a credit card and a screw driver to be slipped under the door. My husband rushes to my aid thinking the he can heave his body weight at it like Gibbs in NCIS and it will bust open all official like...not the case. Not even in the slightest!  So I quickly dissemble the knob to discover that it is defective and I am stuck. I start to panic slightly and decided to pop the hinges and rip the SOB right off. the frame! It was the most dramatic feeling as I quickly exited to freedom that I started to burst into tears and laughter as I exited feeling relived and victorious!
BUTTT little did I know that I need to develop a phobia of bathrooms until this morning!  Today is Beerfest day which means that it is the holy grail of days for husband -- like he starts his inviting process in October each year! So today is the day that him and his buds go and get intoxicated and return home to veg and sober up. I of course help to nurse them back to this state and then send them home to their loving wives.
So to prepare for this shindig I clean like crazy and then jump in the shower to make it appear like I haven't been sweating my ass off in an attempt to make my house look like it's not lived in. So as I am ending my relaxing shower I turn off the water and proceed to open the shower door as I do daily and....
It won't open! Like really won't open! Like I am stuck, AGAIN! Seriously stuck! I start screaming for my husband who burst in the door expecting to make a funny a joke about me being indisposed and finds me laughing hysterically and stuck, again! He assists me in breaking out and disassembling the shower in the process.
I have come to the conclusion that God wants me to spend more time alone or I need to work on my she Hulk skills so when I am faced with this situation again I don't have to call for my husband to rescue me....because what if he isn't home...that will be the most uncomfortable 911 call ever!

Parenting the Gtwins can be a Slippery Slope

We have been a house full of sickness this month which means this momma has been doing everything possible to keep it clean and clear of germs. This morning while playing in the toy room and mommy is on the phone talking to my wonder twin.... O decided he was all done and proceeded to walk up stairs.  Not knowing where he was going I yelled up to my husband, who immediately yelled back "got him" which in our house means: I am stopping what I am doing immediately and will be following him as soon as I can catch up to him. J decides immediately he too is "all done" and up the stairs we go. As I am walking up I can see O at a dead run rip the child proofed door handle off our bedroom and whip the door open. My husband is now walking fast to intercept, J is now also darting for the forbidden realm, so I say "never mind, I got them." My husband returns to the kitchen and I enter my room (mind you this exchange was all of 15 seconds). I walk into the smell of furniture polish to discover O gingerly spraying it on my bedding,  hardwoods,  furniture , wall and of course himself. I now scream to my husband who comes running and starts cleaning it up. (The can was located on the top of our tall boy dresser) I immediately whip off O's clothes in my bathroom and plan to jump in the shower with him (most people would call poison control...however...J already tested this same scenario last week when he broke into the pantry and sprayed himself with it. So I already knew what to do!) So while in the bathroom with twins I decide family shower cause I have to be at a baby shower in less then 45 mins and I need to occupy 2 year olds long enough for hubs to clean our now squeaky clean floors.
I immediately strip down O and pre-wash his face and give him a car to play with (leaving his diaper on) and then turn to J and strip him down quickly and remove diaper. As I swing around to O spraying contact solution everywhere I see J peeing on the floor . As I am prying the contact solution from O, I quickly say to J "we go pee pee on the potty" as I am finishing the struggle with O to get the new water gun our of his hand J runs towards the potty and slips (in the pee, contact solution and furniture polish trifecta) falls face first into it smashing his eye! Now adding blood to the mix I scream for my husband who comes running it, catches his fall thankfully and helping me rush the boys into the shower with me (clean up on isle 3!!!). While in the shower the boys are sliding all over like they are are the coolest 3 ft by 3 ft water park in the world! Hubs finish with mess 2 just in time to grab 1 of 2 slimy toddlers and breathe a sigh as we get all in order for me to leave for the shower.
(Insert normal chaos to get out the door here)
I as I am kissing the hubs good bye I see as mini blonde streak come racing for my bedroom direction into the kitchen with THE FURNITURE POLISH! Again spraying it everywhere!!!!
(I would like to take this moment to thank Swifter Gain scent furniture Polish for making their bottle look so amazing that both of my boys will scale a 55 inch tall boy dresser and risk their little lives just to get one good spray!)
I of course an now late and get the wave of: just go, I got this....
My only regret of the day is not being able to Snapchat the moment when my 6' 3" husband when flying up in the air as he rounded the freshly "polished" linoleum
corner in pursuit of catching our twins in a rousing game of tag just a mere 30 mins later!
Stayed tuned for more real moments of raising the #Gmonsters!

And remember kids...Parenting is sometimes a slippery slope!

About Me...

I am Nicole welcome to a glimpse into my life and everything I wished for coming true! I will start out by saying that this blog is purely for entertainment purposes and there is no guarantees that you will find any of my material to be helpful, humorous or relevant!

In a nutshell:
I love being a mom, foodie, DIY adventurist, traveling and believe that the world would be a better place if everyone owned at least one pair of Tap shoes in their lives!

 

Mini humans are hilarious (Gtwins never disappoint!), my husband is my soulmate, family is everything and friends are family that you choose, Halloween should be everyday, proper communication solves everything, wearing a smile is the best accessory!

The driving force:

I am thrown many unique challenges and endure situation that I couldn't make up if I tried - some would choose to take the low road and others the high...I choose to weave my way through the twisty middle and laugh! So here we go!

 

Here is the plan...I PLAN on sharing with you all the crazy goings on of my life and how I deal (or have dealt with them). From mommydom to funny Twinado stories, the need to dress my boys alike and have my family coordinate, cooking feasts for beasts to mini monster appetites, decorating to destroying, my unhealthy addiction to YouTube and unique antiques, DIY fails and successes and most importantly surviving Halloween!
But really...Who am I you may ask...I am the production director of a local Halloween attraction, I work full time all while being a daughter, sister, cousin, friend, wife and most importantly a mom to very busy, adorable, hilarious twin boys (the Gtwins)! I was raised by the best and consider myself beyond blessed, with a pinch of the Irish luck always on my side! I love to talk to everyone, sing at the top of my lungs, laugh at the most inappropriate times, dance like no should be watching and find the joy in any crazy situation! 

I hope you enjoy! Come back for seconds anytime because this momma plans on serving it up for a while!

Welcome to my world!

This is the first post where I am suppose to tell you everything that you can expect.

Well....I have no idea what I am doing! I hope to exceed your expectations...so...expect nothing! I guess it can only go up from here, huh?!?!

 

My name is Nicole and I am a newbie to the blogging world. I have been told many time over the last couple of years that I should write a blog, write a book, write a movie, have my own TV show....translation: your life is crazy and my friends wouldn't believe me if I retold your stories with out proof. SO I am starting at the least invasive way I can think of. To all my FB fans this is the new home that crazy built and I will be posting here so feel free to share my shenanigans from here on out!

For my first "post" - What is with that title?

Let's dive in, shall we?

 

A Tall Order of Life: Exactly what I prayed for! -- the meaning the name.

Here is the thought behind this...

Tall: I like coffee (any caffeine really) and I my self am very tall for a women (5' 11 and 3/4!).

Order: I like order, ordering things and ordering people around (although that I don't mean to do!).

Life:...ahhh life...this is about my life, the way I interpret it.

Prayed: I have done a lot of praying for what I have, I am spiritual more then I am religious and I believe as long as you believe in something it will all work out in the end -- sometimes not exactly how you envisioned it but still how it should be.

So there it is. The baby blog is named. Take it or leave it, that is the title!

Shout out to "cousin" M and my Wonder Twin for listening to my endless ramblings in order to come up with this name!

So much more comin' at ya! Subscribe now to keep up with the fun!